Quotes, Votes & Random Notes

Education

seldombites — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 22:56:44 +0000

Parents have a prior right to choose the kind of education that shall be given to their children.

— United Nations, Universal Declaration of Human Rights, quoted in The Unschooling Unmanual

Howlers

seldombites — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 22:47:56 +0000

Comic blunders by schoolchildren have been collected by H. Cecil Hunt and published under the title Henpicked Howlers. Some examples are given here:

An epistle is the wife of an apostle.
Chivalry is the attitude of a man to a strange woman.
Louix XVI was gelatined.
Catarrh is a musical instrument, especially in Spain.
Philosophy means being able to explain why you are happy when you are poor.
When letters are in sloping type, they are in hysterics.
The Tropic of Cancer is a rare and dangerous disease.
An antidote is a funny story you have heard before.
Doctors say that fatal diseases are the worst.
Ali Baba means being somewhere else when the crime was committed.
A symposium is something like a symphony, only not as bad.
Contralto is a low kind of music that is sung only by ladies.

— Herbert V Prochnow & Herbert V Prochnow Jr. in Jokes, Quotes & One Liners Volume 2

A practical driver

seldombites — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 22:40:54 +0000

I’m reminded of a Cobb & Co. driver whom I often met in my childhood days in western Queensland.
He was once asked by a lady passenger if he’d ever been caught in a bushfire.
‘Oh yes,’ he said, ‘I certainly ‘ave.’
‘And what did you do?’ asked the lady.
‘Well, ma’am, I tied a billy full of water to the back axle. Then I drove like ‘ell through the fire. When I reached the safety of the boundary gate, that water was just on the boil an’ ready for tea!’

— “Western Girl” in Bill Wannan’s Come in Spinner

PMT

seldombites — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 22:37:43 +0000

What’s the difference between a woman with PMT and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

— Allan & Barbara Pease in Why Men Lie and Women Cry

Cobb & Co.’s classes

seldombites — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 22:30:36 +0000

My father used to tell me that there were always three different classes of passengers on Cobb & Co.’s coaches.
Whenever they came to a boggy patch or a steep hill the driver used to shout: ‘First Class keep yer seats! Second Class get out an’ walk! Third Class get out an’ push!‘

— Mr. L. J. Callaghan in Bill Wannan’s Come in Spinner

Not that kind

seldombites — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 22:26:27 +0000

Man to friend: ‘What do you have if you have fifty rabbits all in a row and they all back up one step?’
Friend: ‘I don’t know. Tell me.’
Man: ‘A receding hare-line!’

— Herbert V Prochnow & Herbert V Prochnow Jr. in Jokes, Quotes & One Liners Volume 2

Everything you need

seldombites — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 22:23:19 +0000

If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.

— Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 BCE) quoted in The Unschooling Unmanual

Coffee

seldombites — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 22:20:40 +0000

When a company says, ‘Our coffee is good to the last drop,’ you wonder what is wrong with the last drop.

— Herbert V Prochnow & Herbert V Prochnow Jr. in Jokes, Quotes & One Liners Volume 2

The Tragedy

seldombites — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 22:14:14 +0000

He grabbed me by my slender neck,
I could not call or scream;
He took me to his darkened tent
Where we could not be seen.
He tore from me my flimsy wrap,
He gazed upon my form,
I was so frightfully cold and damp
And he so delightfully warm.
He pressed his feverish lips to mine,
I gave him every drop;
He took from me my very soul,
I could not make him stop.
Through him I’m like I am today,
That’s why I’m lying here,
Just a broken bottle now
That once was full of beer.

— Traditional ditty collected by Kath Anderson in Bill Wannan’s Come in Spinner

Tart vs bitch

seldombites — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 22:10:37 +0000

What’s the difference between a tart and a bitch?

A tart will sleep with anyone.
A bitch will sleep with anyone except you.

— Allan & Barbara Pease in Why Men Lie and Women Cry